Joy of Spanish
On albures and reviradas
If you speak with absolute sincerity, it may be said that you talk “with no visible intimate apparel.” In Spanish we say a calzón quitado (with one’s undergarments off). The origin of this curious expression may not be clear, but its logic is impeccable. What could be a more vulnerable position than standing there with no clothes on? And not only that, but with one’s genitals exposed? So, if one speaks a calzón quitado, it would mean that he or she is obviously being sincere because they have nothing to hide. It’s like saying “Look, I’m clean, you gotta believe me!” Be careful with this one, though, because you’re apt to get an albur or two thrown back at you.
You don’t know what an albur is? It happens to be the second favorite Mexican pastime. The first is watching soap operas (telenovelas) on tv. The albur is a comment that can be taken in two different ways, a double-entendre, a pun, almost always with sexual overtones. I’m told that in times past, way past (before I was born at least), albures were tossed back and forth in eight-syllable verse, sort of like the payadas of Martín Fierro, José Hernández’s Gaucho epic.
Nobody does that any more. Not many people know how to. So the albur has become prosaic, but not at all laid back. It’s a good idea to be aware of the albur, because everybody else is. If in conversation we go on and on innocently while the other people are rolling on the floor with laughter, and for no apparent reason, it’s a good sign that we are being albureados, that we are being made victims of the albur. Examples?
Be careful with the verb meter, for example (to put something inside something else). If you want someone to put something in a drawer, for example, don’t just say Métemelo or Métemelo aquí. It doesn’t matter if you use the masculine or feminine direct object pronoun (lo or la), but it sounds even worse in the feminine. You see, in the language of the albur, lo or la will most readily be understood as the primary masculine sexual organ. So you can see why it is extremely dangerous to say something as apparently innocent as métemelo or métemela. If you do, you might hear something like “Con todo gusto se la meto, cuantas veces quiera” (“I’d be more than happy to put it there, as many times as you please.”) The unaware native English speaker will probably not even realize what’s going on, but the others present will be laughing their heads off. “What are you all laughing about?”, the albureado will ask. And “Oh, nothing…” will be the answer.
The art of the albur, which is kind of a verbal “happening,” usually takes place when there is an audience. There’s not much point to alburear someone if there’s no one else there to appreciate the mental agility of those participating. Also, for some people it may be “fun” to alburear someone who does not even know how to defend him or herself, but only to a point. It’s sort of like taking candy from a baby. The real masters of the albur will take on opponents far more advanced. To listen to one of their exchanges, or duels, can be truly enlightening.
The problem with the albur is that just about anything can be understood as anything else within a sexual context. The word leche, for example. It’s white, so be careful. If a good-looking woman, for example, asks for someone to pass her the milk (¿me pasas la leche?), a tasteless male might answer: te la paso y te la repaso. If the others present pick up the double-entendre, there will be much laughter at the expense of the poor woman. But if she’s quick, she’ll come back with something like: te la pasas tú, que es como más te gusta (pass it to yourself, which is what you like best), instantly putting the aggressor in a position of helpless onanist.
The practice of “coming back” with an even better albur, verbal “one-ups-man-ship,” is called the art of the revirada. To revirar is to “turn around.” It is said that a pitcher, when throwing to first base to pick off a runner instead of pitching to the batter at home plate, he interrupts his motion in order to turn and throw. This is the classic revirada, which is precisely the word used in baseball jargon. So if you can turn an albur around and pick off the albureador, you are quick with the reviradas. It’s good to have a few reviradas handy in case someone takes it upon himself to make us look ridiculous. People respect a good revirada, especially the albureadores.
Women generally don’t initiate albures, but they can and should defend themselves. The “polite” thing to do, of course, is to pretend you don’t have a clue as to what’s going on and to ignore the laughter all around. But the best thing to do is deal the offender the verbal equivalent of a kick to the genital area: the revirada. After that, the tasteless, vulgar albureador will be more respectful.
Albures are, of course, totally off key, but they can be fun if practiced at the right time and with the right people. They exercise and promote mental and linguistic agility, which is a very positive thing. Mexico is the world capital of the albur, and no other country even comes close. No real harm should be meant, and it’s important this be understood. It’s a game, a pastime, a way to have fun. If you get caught in an albur, laugh at it and yourself, and then come back with a better one. The worst thing you can do is get all hot and bothered because then you’ll become the victim of a whole onslaught of albures from all around. Be brave and ¡revire! This is the sincere advice I give you a calzón quitado.
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